508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
