I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Randomize
