I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
