And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
