checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
