Got a toothbrush?
Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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