I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
