Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
