6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
