My sheets look like a crime scene.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Randomize
