haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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