Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
