Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
