So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
