Having a random hookup so left but love u
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
