I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i jhust puked up my retainher.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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