So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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