omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
