I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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