I will die if light touches me.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
