people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
