i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
