Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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