brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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