I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
