what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
