considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
