Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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