I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
