FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
