Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
