she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
