omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
