wanna go halves on a baby?
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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