Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
