Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
tell your sister to shave her snatch
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Randomize
