The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
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