David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Randomize
