Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
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