How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
