just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
