she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I just want to make out with him forever
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
