Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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