The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
