He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
