Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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