Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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