I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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