Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
