I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
