update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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