so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
